We have heard and read a lot about toxic people, how to deal with this type of behavior and minimize the impact that their attitudes have when it comes to establishing a relationship. Now we know, more than ever, what are the potential red lines that put us on alarm and when it is much better to say no and stop putting up with certain behaviors.
But what happens when, in a relationship with a clearly toxic person, we come to believe that, in reality, it is our fault? That it is not he or she who puts sticks in our wheels and makes us feel bad, but precisely us. Without being responsible or, even having our pluses and minuses, it is very clear that the toxic one is the other. This is called 'projection of guilt'.
The projection of guilt is such a habitual mechanism in our lives that we have all fallen into its net at some time, and we have been both victims and executioners. One of the greatest exponents of Gestalt psychology, Fritz Pearls, said the following: “When we project, we do it without knowing what we are doing. Projection consists in making the environment responsible for what originates in the Self.
In short, when we project blame onto another, we are avoiding the responsibility that comes from accepting that we have failed. And we blame the other. It is a defense mechanism that does not engage in self-reflection: it avoids critical thinking and, as we commonly say, it is dedicated to 'throwing balls out'. This is characteristic of people who are not capable of understanding their emotional conflicts and turn their own failures onto others. It is a very expensive sign of immaturity and is usually common in adolescents.
It also usually occurs in people with very low esteem: for example, attributing to others what is nothing more than personal responsibility increases the feeling of power, of submitting to the will of the other. You can even get convinced that, indeed, it is the other who has the ultimate responsibility for what is happening.
It is essential to recognize that projecting blame onto others does not bring any positive benefits and, moreover, it usually hides personal shortcomings. It is very important to visit a mental health specialist if you detect this behavior in yourself. On the contrary, if you feel like a victim of a projection of guilt, you must let him know at all times how you feel, convince him that the behavior he is having is not going to favor him at all.
