“I identify more with a conservative and traditional ideology, with the values that VOX postulates. My friend Pablo identifies with a more progressive ideology, close to the values of the PSOE,” explains Paula, a 19-year-old journalism student. Whenever they discuss current politics. They try to do it “in the most respectful way possible and without disrespecting each other,” says Paula. Is it possible to be friends with someone who has very different beliefs than ours?
“It is possible and highly recommended to establish friendly relationships with people who have beliefs or ideas different from ours, whether religious, political or sports,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Lidia Viana Catalán, and assures that “Cultivating these types of friendships “It enriches us both on a personal and social level, as it contributes to the construction of a more diverse, inclusive and humane society.”
For her, these types of friendships “put us in contact with other perspectives and ways of seeing the world, helping us better understand human complexity and reality.” According to the expert, they are friendships that give us humility, flexibility and tolerance. In addition, they stimulate critical thinking.
“Having friends who share political, religious and social ideas that are very different or even opposite to what one thinks can be a great excuse to delve into one's own convictions and subject them to criticism, while sharing friendship with someone who participates in the same type of “Convictions atrophy the muscle of thought,” points out the philosopher and professor at the Ramon Llull University, Dr. Francesc Torralba.
Paula is clear: “Just because our ideology is different does not mean that our friendship cannot exist. In fact, having a person with different beliefs by my side allows me to expand my knowledge much more,” she says.
“I have always had friends who think differently than me, because I think that is something that enriches,” says Mercedes, 42, although she clarifies: “Before we could think differently and defend our positions with respect. Today it is more difficult, due to the current situation of political tension. It is as if there was a tacit agreement that friendship is above and certain topics are no longer discussed, because it is complicated.”
“In my class, we had a group of friends and suddenly two or three joined Vox. They spent all day giving their opinions about immigrants, about women, about people from the LGTBI community. They get involved in a very racist way with a group that affects me, because my mother is of Moroccan origin. It's something very extreme. I don't like having a friendship with someone who has such a closed mentality,” says Yasmine, 18, for her part.
“We tend to form closed circles, small ideological tribes where all members share the same implicit references. The Internet is full of ideological bubbles that are disconnected from each other,” says philosopher Dr. Francesc Torralba and assures: “We do it because we do not tolerate differences and ideological discrepancies bother us.”
Psychologist Lidia Viana Catalán explains that “we usually make friends with people who we feel are more similar to us and who reaffirm our identity and our values.” According to the expert, this is because “it is simpler, more comfortable and natural. To maintain a friendship with someone who has other perspectives, beliefs and values, you have to invest more energy and mental, emotional and relational effort. She considers this an effort worth making, since “it will allow us to grow as people and build a more just and inclusive society.”
“Patterns of interaction and friendship follow an ethnic or religious logic, particularly among older or middle-aged people. But among young people, who have always been socialized in multi-ethnic and multi-religious schools, we find more diversification of social networks and personal connections,” explains UAB sociologist Avi Astor, an expert in religious diversity. in Spain.
“In Spain there has been some rejection towards the settlement of some groups, such as Muslims, especially in the 2000s. But there is less and less. There is already a certain acceptance of the country's more diversified panorama,” points out the expert, although he clarifies that “That does not mean that there is no discrimination or tensions. But lately there have not been, for example, so many cases of mass mobilization of one group against others or episodes of ethnic or religious violence.”
Yasmine (18) is Muslim and always went to a Catholic school. “Most of the friends I have had have been Christians. At home, they taught me Islam, although in a fairly free way,” she explains and points out: “I don't think it's something that should be a barrier when it comes to having a friendship or a romantic relationship. In our case, it meant nothing more than some difference when it came to eating together.”
“When there are extremes, it is impossible. I am a believer, but I am not a fan. I accept science and believe that religious fanaticism has led to terrible things,” says Mercedes. She is Catholic and her husband is an atheist. “We respect each other. Religion is something that I carry in my privacy, that does not affect our daily lives,” she says.
What are the keys for a friendship to survive very big differences or rivalries? “We get stung a lot. But they are spikes that do not escalate too much and that do not last longer than a match. You have to know how to set a limit and ensure that there are no bad vibes. If we see that we went too far, we apologize later. Friendship is above any rivalry,” says Ana. She and her friend Paula are 21 years old and have been friends for more than ten. One is a Barcelona fan and the other is a Real Madrid fan.
“We are polar opposites in almost everything. But, even though we think differently and have very different tastes, we know how to put ourselves in each other's shoes, we respect each other, we support each other and we don't judge each other," says Ana and adds: "If everyone thought the same or liked the same thing, it would be bored".
“The key to friendship lies in not trying to convert your friend, in letting them be who they are. The friend is not someone who must be ideologically colonized, but someone who must be listened to and respected, someone from whom one can learn," says philosopher Dr. Francesc Torralba.
The psychologist Lidia Viana Catalán explains that, for this type of friendship to survive, it is important that there is active and respectful listening, tolerance and flexibility in the face of differences. In addition, it is key to respect limits, avoid prejudices, be empathetic, provide support and be proactive in proposing and sharing experiences.
“Apart from there being respect, it would also be good if there was an interest in knowing my culture. May one day my friends come home to celebrate, for example, the Feast of the Lamb. There is nothing wrong with knowing and learning about the traditions of another country or religion. It is something that enriches you,” says Yasmine.
