The most terrible thing is that I see the steps my illness is taking.
Alzheimer.
Sometimes I dream that it is an invented reality and that by using it so much, like the roles I played in the theater, I believed it to be true.
...
Well, I'm already doing the drama and he hasn't asked me a question yet, ha, ha, ha.
It's just that it's very hard.
It's like a mouse that eats a piece of your brain every day. Only for dinner at the moment, but soon it will want dinner, lunch and breakfast until my brain is gone.
What forecast do you have?
The advantage is that I'm an old lady, although I wouldn't know how old I am now, I'm in my 70s.
Not working anymore?
I stopped working when I was diagnosed, but the memory lapses started much earlier. I am writing a book in which I explain it: When I stop being me.
This one you just posted.
yes, sorry Alzheimer's is perversely subtle, time passes and I don't manage to be very aware of it. I always liked to write, I have many diaries written but I can't find them, or maybe I haven't written as many as I think. Everything in my life is an unknown.
No certainty?
My home where I feel protected and at ease, and my family.
How did alzheimer wake up?
I felt more and more insecure on stage, which has been my lover, my friend, my everything. Stepping into it was like throwing myself into an empty pool, I had panic attacks, so I went to all sorts of doctors, but no one could find anything for me.
And he continued to take the stage.
Yes, having a pointer nearby, and it was hard every day to force myself to go out, I was prescribed tranquilizers until I finally got a diagnosis and my life stopped.
How about in the cinema?
In the last film I made, in 2019, when they said action I was speechless, I couldn't remember the text or I struggled with the words, but now I'm making a documentary with Claudia Pinto about the process of my illness from beginning
what do you mean
I hope it will be useful for people who suffer from it, so that they don't feel so alone, and for carers to understand us better.
He seems to be taking the disease well.
My older brother had polio at age 4 and it left him in a wheelchair. I have never heard him complain, he takes it with integrity and intelligence. For me it is an example, because I complain, I cry, I despair. Then I have my brother Joan, who is always there.
How was the diagnosis made?
It was a relief to know him, I thought: "Well, I'm not crazy, but I will end up being so". I suffered a lot, now I suffer but it's different, suddenly one day I can't do something, but I have the actress who comes to my aid.
explain it to me
It helps my friend Al, that's what I've decided to call Alzheimer's. People tell me I have to fight and I think: I can only accept it, so I thought it was better to treat him as a friend than as an enemy.
That is wise.
It's as if a thief has come to live in the house and takes something every day, but since the acceptance I feel more relaxed.
Aren't you afraid?
Yes. When I see that Al is moving forward, because I still realize it, I get sad and say to him: "Al, leave me alone for a while!", I have imaginary dialogues, and I'm not crazy.
He gets excited
Because I feel gratitude for life. Now it's my turn to receive, like so many people. But I am clear that I want to leave clear, recognizing the people I love.
Did he plan his death?
Yes, I don't want to live without being in me. When my Alzheimer's advances I want a dignified death.
Euthanasia?
Yes, after saying: "We've been through everything, happy and difficult moments, we've learned from life, and now say goodbye and do good", I want to die like this.
What has life taught him?
It is a path of continuous learning. I studied Gestalt therapy with Claudio Naranjo and this has helped me a lot to be in the here and now without obsessing about what is to come.
What is the best thing in life?
Have a vocation and follow it. And when life gives you tricks that you don't understand, take it as a learning experience, you'll understand later. I have cried a lot, for love, for heartbreak... Tears are good, you have to let them go. The most important thing is to work.
To yourself?
If I hadn't we wouldn't be talking like this now. I think I handle dying pretty well. I doze, but then I think about how old I am: I've already lived.
