Once upon a time, not too long ago, there were two ways to connect with people we didn't have at hand: the telephone (what we now call “the landline”) and the letter. Now, these means have become almost obsolete and we have devices, extensions of the human body called “mobile phones”, that offer a very wide range of communication methods.
The funny thing is that today people have fewer friends and fewer partners than before. The more access we have to emails, text messages, video messages, video calls, social networks and applications like Skype or Facetime, the more alone we feel. We have reached the point where talking on the cell phone, as we used to talk on the landline, is uncomfortable or strange to us. We fear that it will be understood as an unwanted interference in the lives of others.
A few days ago, The Washington Post tried to come to the rescue with a list of rules for the protocol to follow with mobile calls.
First, unless you're calling your mom or someone else you trust so much that (as my mom said) it's sickening, always, always, text before dialing. This way you will establish the most convenient time to meet and you will feel the relief of knowing that you are not bothering.
Second, if they call you without first showing you the basic courtesy of notifying you by text, don't feel any pressure to answer. Guilt, zero. The one who calls, just like that, is the rude one.
Third, if you call and they don't answer, don't leave a voicemail. If the person on the other side doesn't want to hear you, it's because they don't want to hear you. Don't hump.
Fourth, and in the same vein, be very careful with the messaging system, not only voice but also video, which Apple has just introduced with the iPhone. If hearing you is annoying, seeing you can provoke something approaching hatred.
The last rule on the American newspaper's list seems to contradict the previous ones, but it is the only one I agree with. “Phone calls are not dead!” he says. “They continue to be a wonderful way to communicate. Talking to a person in real time can strengthen relationships, improve mental health and decrease loneliness.”
Thanks, The Washington Post. An applause. Now let's review and correct those first four rules.
Sending a text message before calling is a sign of fear, fear in this case of crossing the barriers that people place before intimacy. A shame, because intimacy is something desirable. Alerting by text also means cooling the relationship with a friend, or an acquaintance you want to get to know better, and reducing it to the status of a professional connection. As if you were making an appointment with the doctor, or with the Social Security office. No, if you want to make a call, make it. Spontaneity is good.
Moving on to the second rule, not feeling any pressure to answer if they call you indicates contempt. Feeling a certain guilt for not doing so, on the other hand, indicates humanity. It is a sign of consideration for others. Don't answer, of course, if you don't want to, but not feeling even a little bad can suggest that you have psychopathic tendencies, that is, zero empathy for others.
Never leave a voicemail? Mistake. The voice transmits an extra emotion that the written word lacks. Such messages may express warmth or humor or, when appropriate, anger or indignation. In any case, it means breaking barriers and connecting, a good thing, since human beings are a social animal. On the other hand, a voice message can communicate an urgent call from someone who needs help. My wallet was stolen, the cat disappeared, all the text in my column was deleted from the computer.
Video messages: I haven't tried it yet, but I will because it must be funny. I imagine it could get tiring if it becomes a repeated habit throughout the day. Or irritating if the person in question makes strange faces. Or disconcerting if he starts singing or dancing with music in the background. But in principle, let's go there. She will join the party. He will bring us closer.
I, perhaps because I remember the times before the iPhone, prefer to communicate by phone using my ears and not my eyes. Besides, you don't have to worry about how you have your hair or how you are dressed or undressed. But this is just a personal taste. More relevant, the question remains: why did people feel less alone when there were fewer ways to connect?
When there was only the landline, it was rare that you didn't answer. The ring-ring aroused excitement. And a letter, even more so. Which seems to mean that the connection with another human being was valued more. Today it is taken for granted. It has become routine. Bah, another little message from WhatsApp, or Facebook or Instagram to add to the thousands we receive every month.
And since it was difficult or slow to communicate by phone or by letter, people went out more and met real people. Now we have Zoom, Google Meet and such. They represent progress, without a doubt. But I use them only when there is no other option, for example, when I communicate with my aunt Irma (Miss Mexico 1957), who lives in Querétaro, or with my son when she spent several months in Rwanda.
This week I left Barcelona for Madrid and returned the same day, more than five hours away, for a work meeting with two people that lasted 50 minutes. I neither complain nor regret it. Seeing and hearing each other live, touching each other when appropriate, deepened the human connection, accelerated the budding friendship that we are forging beyond the work in which we collaborate and, I do not doubt it, inspired a creativity of ideas that we did not. we would have arrived if we had been forced to meet on Zoom. Three dimensions are better than two.
The Silicon Valley gurus understand this. As we have read, they tend more and more to prohibit their children from using their cell phones for a good part of the day. It limits their intellectual and emotional development, consider those who invented them. And they are right. There is little point in saying it, but these qualitative leaps that we have made in technology have meant a step back in quality of life. Once upon a time, not too long ago, we weren't so stupid and we weren't so alone.
