How can I improve my communication with others?
When you talk to another person, everything you say goes through the filter of their frame of reference, their preconceptions, and their biases.
And what I have said?
From what you have said, what remains is, ultimately, the message that person understands.
That's how it goes for us.
Learning to communicate makes it easier to interact with others.
Friction makes love... and conflict.
We proclaim ourselves role models as to what is right and wrong; We spend too much time in our heads instead of listening to others.
Suspend the trial, I understand.
The worst thing you can do is think you know everything. Not listening is a huge problem, I see it in entire nations! Let's ask ourselves why people act the way they do.
Why so many misunderstandings?
You have to contextualize what the other says, go beyond their words. And for that we have to pay a lot of attention, but we don't pay attention, we are thinking about what we are going to say.
Sometimes you try to reason with someone and it ends in shouting.
When I find myself in a conflict I try to know how much I have done to cause said conflict to arise. Have I acted correctly and done the best that could be done? Have I really listened?
Why isn't the message we want to convey reaching?
We must ensure that the interlocutor does not take the message personally, improve our expression, be assertive.
He has been studying behavior for years. What has she understood?
One day I saw an idiot in the mirror. When my life was in chaos and full of problems, the most revealing insight I had was realizing that I was my own model, something that was of no use to me. I had to meet myself, remove the automatic response.
What happened?
I was given my first management position when I was in my early twenties and I did everything very badly, I would have fired myself.
Don't be so self-demanding, man.
The human resources department called me to suggest taking a personality test that involved asking others how they saw me.
Wow, how scary.
They said he talked too much, that he didn't listen, that he was annoying, that he thought he knew everything, that he had too big an ego... He wasn't liked very well, and I thought he was!
I'm sorry.
That happened more than 30 years ago and I continue to study myself to be able to interact better with others, because I understood that I needed better social skills and improve my communication.
And did you specialize in interpretation of behavioral patterns?
Yes. I developed the DISC system for your application, an acronym for dominance, influence, stability and compliance. Patterns of behavior that describe how people communicate, and thus increase the quality of our relationships.
And did you associate each pattern with a color?
Along with qualities and strategies. There are the Reds, dominant, extroverted, ambitious, fast, competitive.
Perfect for organizing teams.
Yes, but they can become dominant, strict and difficult to deal with. They usually give strong handshakes and look you in the eyes. Yellows are spontaneous, positive, creative and optimistic.
Its defect?
They don't stop talking, they don't leave space. Greens are introverted, patient, empathetic and kind, but they are indecisive and stubborn. Blues are methodical, analytical, but their critical thinking can turn into suspicion and questioning.
Only four for all humanity?
Four primordial patterns that can be combined in 90,000 ways, it's like an algorithm.
Are we capable of changing?
Changing others is impossible, changing yourself is difficult; You need will and a strong enough why, but it is habits that make you move forward.
What surprises you most about human behavior?
How stupid we can be even when we are intelligent.
And what is the best antidote?
Be a hermit for thirty years and then return to society. It's a joke. I would tell him to surround himself with people who lift him up, who activate his energy, because you become the average of the five most present people in your life.
