You have a serious problem, but you can't afford to sink. You will not cry because you are a strong person. Ignoring negative emotions, you throw balls out, because every day has its eagerness. Probably with that attitude you are doing yourself more harm than good. Negative emotions such as fear, anger or sadness are necessary to properly manage mental balance.
Anna Romeu is an expert psychologist in emotional education, traumas and addictions, and president of the Emergency Psychology Section of the Official College of Psychology of Catalonia (COPC). As she explains in RAC1.cat, what we call negative emotions are actually adaptive emotions. We should not be surprised if after experiencing one of these sensations we end up feeling good, because this is precisely the purpose ".
"We believe that being well means not having bad moments, not feeling sorry if something sad happens to us, not feeling angry if someone attacks us or breaks our limits. But in reality, all this is exactly what is good," Romeo clarifies. The doctor clarifies that emotions must be, above all, coherent. And if something unpleasant happens to us, it is normal for us to feel bad.
Anything that involves channeling a negative emotion and expressing it coherently, "letting off steam, crying, talking about it, doing a farewell ritual, grieving or any other manifestation of this sadness, is the healthy and good way to develop negative emotions," he explains. . "What surprises me is that in a situation like this someone expects not to have that kind of reaction."
According to the expert, all emotions have a function, a utility. But it should not always be to achieve immediate well-being, such as when we vent or cry. When we get really pissed off, for example—with a person or a situation—we don't usually have an immediate good feeling.
"If you argue with someone or fight, it means that something has not gone well and you must defend yourself or set a limit. Anger is the emotion that gives you the necessary energy to start this change," Romeu details. "If you feel bad afterwards, it is because you have not done it well and you still have to do something else; or because anger has worn you down a lot, since it implies a great energy expenditure. In that case, the discomfort is more the product of emotional exhaustion than anything else."
The specialist considers this example as an ideal case to illustrate that each emotion has its function. "Negative emotions are often lifesaving," she says. "The discomfort that you have if you have lost your job and do not have financial resources is necessary: that will make you start to move to find solutions. It is once again a coherent emotion."
"In the networks we are creating the false idea that being well means that everything is going well for you, that bad things do not happen to you and that if they do happen to you, they do not affect you. And this is not being well, this is not real, It can't be. We can't live in a happycracy," he claims. "People who are doing fantastically well also have some upsets from time to time. They will have negative emotions, but that's it."
What about the "grouchy smurf" profile? The psychologist considers him an ideal example of emotional mismanagement. "They can't be comfortable, because if they complain, it's because there's something they don't like, it doesn't seem right to them or it's not working. And they do the first thing to do, which is to realize the situation, give it a name and start to say 'not this,'" he explains.
"The problem is that they no longer know how to get out of that wheel." Romeu adds that sometimes it is a matter of personality, perhaps they are much more obsessive or more pessimistic, and having these personality characteristics does not help, because they magnify the problem, while if you have a more positive attitude it will be easier for you to get out of the complaint and the lament
"If nobody has taught you or you have had no example, what you do is simply complain, be a curmudgeon and not move on to the next step, which is to look for alternative solutions. It is bad emotional management, which can always be worked on and improved" , Add. "There are many books that can serve as a self-help tool, but you have to know how to choose and you have to be careful with smoke sellers who promise the formula for happiness. The formula for happiness does not exist."
This article was originally published on the RAC1 website.
