The most common thing is to have come across one of these people at some point in your life, even if you did not realize it at the time. Although it is not too difficult to identify them. Victimizing people tend to consider themselves victims of “everything and everyone” around them, as psychologist Oceanía Martín Recio defines them. This leads them to look for culprits, always other than themselves, for everything that happens to them or even on whom to place the responsibility or consequences of their own actions. Although it may be a form of emotional manipulation, this victimhood is the way in which they relate to others, sometimes unconsciously.
The main problem is that this ends up turning victimizers into toxic people, both for themselves and for those around them, according to the specialist. The reasons that lead a person to be this way are varied, although Oceanía Martín explains that the majority of people who victimize themselves do so because they have learned it at some point in their lives. “They enter a loop from which they cannot get out,” she says.
One of the reasons why a person becomes a victim has to do with self-concept. That is, this individual has realized that, through this behavior, he obtains the attention and affection of others, something fundamental in cases of vulnerability or inattention. Furthermore, he may avoid taking responsibility for his actions, and therefore the consequences.
Another explanation that the psychologist provides is related to learned helplessness, which leads you to think that you are incapable of reversing a situation. “The belief is generated in her that she can't do anything,” she says. This is common in the case of people who have suffered abuse or neglect.
However, it can also be due to something else, such as a low tolerance for frustration. Some people become victimized when they are unable to admit their own mistakes and face responsibility. Or it could be due to poor attachment development, which would imply the impossibility of adequately managing emotions, especially negative ones.
Victims constantly express themselves through lament, says psychologist Oceanía Martín Recio. Therefore, they will always be complaining about what happens to them and about not being able to change their situation, since they seek to obtain compassion and validation from others. In this way, they also hope to obtain help, something that they will not ask for directly, but rather assume they will obtain through their victim attitude. And they tend to think that everything, good and bad, depends on their environment, they do not recognize their responsibility in terms of actions and decisions.
Another very common way to recognize a victimized person is pessimism, since what they usually do is exaggerate the negative side of everything. They focus on the negative and maintain a defensive attitude. They can even fall into self-sabotage to reaffirm their role as a victim, explains the psychologist.
