It is often said that money does not bring happiness and that its ability to provide us with health is limited. Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist, Harvard professor, and director of the Harvard Adult Development Study, the largest study on happiness to date, agrees. In his opinion, happiness is in having solid human relationships. “We discovered that those who have solid human relationships age healthier and live longer,” he declares in a new installment of Mejor Conectados, a Telefónica project to make talent visible and inspire connections to empower people to achieve their goals in life.
One of the reasons that explain these conclusions is the soothing role of friendships in reducing stress, one of the endemic ills of our society. “When you don't have a friend to chat with, when you live in isolation, a state of chronic stress is perpetuated. It's like being in chronic flight mode,” she details. These conclusions coincide with those of the American Psychological Association (APA), which attribute common symptoms and ailments to chronic stress such as muscle pain, immune system disorders, high blood pressure and numerous mental illnesses. Factors that reduce our quality of life and deteriorate our health, and that we now know could be mitigated without the need for drugs. And 100% free. Simply cultivating good friendships.
The author of the book A Good Life emphasizes that, no matter how much advertising sells us that happiness lies in having this or that, basically nothing makes us feel as good as sharing a good chat with a friend. “It is that moment in which you feel that you can be yourself, that you do not need to hide anything because nobody is going to judge you or criticize you cruelly. It's those little things that really make us happy," Waldinger explains.
The more solid and varied our social network is – the real one, the one of flesh and blood, not the one of likes – the more connected we feel with the world and, with it, the happier. It also warns that human relationships, however good they may be, are living beings: they evolve over time and languish if they are not fed. “Most friendships are not cut off by a dramatic event, they cool down over time. It is easy to neglect them because we have countless distractions and obligations in our daily lives: work, taking care of our children… But you have to take time to call that friend and meet up for a walk or have a coffee and chat”, he stresses. He also has to assume that people change and tolerate without anger that that friend who years ago was the last to close the nightclubs, today prefers a blanket and home theater plan. Or go out for a bike route in the mountains.
Perhaps because of that intransigence of not accepting that the one across the street has changed, it is paradoxical that at a time when it is easier to connect with anyone in any part of the world, it is so difficult for us to maintain our closest contacts. “We don't usually talk much about the importance of human connections. However, they are the basis for working better, being better companions and better parents”, concludes Waldinger.
It is often said that good friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand. But it can be five or just one. “There is no magic number. An introvert person usually needs fewer trusted people to feel comfortable. On the other hand, an extrovert will need the support of a larger environment to be happy. The important thing is that everyone wonders if she has enough friends. Because we all need trustworthy people around us, ”she stresses.
In fact, unwanted loneliness is one of the great cancers of our society. They are those people who can always be surrounded by others, but who do not feel that they are part of anything, nor do they have a trusted environment to tell their problems or show themselves as they are. Waldinger insists that it's never too late to make friends. You just have to look for the right occasions and places. “It is easier if we sign up for activities where we know we are going to find like-minded people, be it a hobby, a volunteer activity…”.
These relaxed environments have the advantage that those who are there already have common ground. “It's easy to start talking to strangers if there's already an affinity for something. At first it will be small talk, but over time, it can develop into lasting friendships.”
There are bosses who are irritated when their employees hang out in huddles, chat at the coffee machine, or joke with each other while typing reports. They see it as a waste of time, golden minutes that vanish amid sterile chatter. Studies show, however, that the opposite is true. “Gallup conducted a mega poll of 15 million workers around the world with one question: Do you have a best friend in your workplace? Only 30% answered yes. But that 30% coincided with the employees best valued by their superiors. And also the most productive and that shows in the company's income statement”, Waldinger declares.
In terms of human resources, fostering a good atmosphere within the teams has an impact on the stability of the workforce. “If an efficient employee has good friends in the company, it will be more difficult for other companies to sign him up,” he adds. In other words, it is one more strategy to retain talent.
