None of the ACME-branded inventions that the Coyote used against the Road Runner worked well. He never achieved his goal, he always crashed against the wall; The rocket would explode in his face or he would end up under a stone weighing several tons. Using gadgets hastily never pays off, much less assuming the invention of something. It's all invented. For example, the creator of the penis-shaped waffle, called "pollofre"; or the one who simulates a vagina, "coñofre", products from a franchise called "La Pollería", is an entrepreneur but also a pitcher's soul. It is true that on Instagram and Tik Tok the kids are excited about it. It is ephemeral art at best.
The proximity of the store where they sell these sweets to the Basilica of the Mare de Deu is surprising. If the faithful and the bishop do not feel uncomfortable, I do less so.
We Valencians treasure a unique clairvoyance and personality, just ask the city's chronicler. We pull strange ideas out of our hats that usually work, no matter how crazy they may be. We are so passionate about what we do that we end up being credible. In certain latitudes they sneer at us and find us embarrassing, but they don't bother us.
Who could think of creating a tradition combining: gunpowder, handkerchiefs, marzipan, love, sex, gardens and independence? To the Valencians. The result below.
After years of admiration towards my compatriots for their tragaderas in relation to the invention of tradition, without going any further, for milestones as bizarre as thinking that horchata comes from the dialogue between King Jaume I and a young girl, “Això és or xata?”; or believe that paella and the Valencian language come from the late Neolithic... Kill me truck.
Let's set the objective on Sant Donís. Who was this man really before he became a saint? A Valencian contemporary of Palleter? No, a gabacho. He was the first bishop of Paris, he founded many churches, which is why he is considered the apostle of Gaul. He was martyred in the year 272 along with Rusticus and Eleuterio, two other saints who were in that pack during the persecution of Aurelian. His resume also states that he walked 6 km with his head under his arm. With two chickens!
Other facts not proven but assumed by the common people and also attributed to Jaume I on the same day of the horchata, when the city was conquered: “The women gave the king and the soldiers fruits wrapped in handkerchiefs.” Damn, what with feminine generosity in the Middle Ages, great games with extensive trousseau. We really have to visualize a city besieged by the Aragonese forces, with little food and no horchata, where looting was rampant in every corner.
On the other hand we have a disastrous chronology. Who came up with the idea of celebrating the Moorish liberation festival during the 15th century by giving away fruit in a bundle and setting off firecrackers? It's all very crazy, isn't it?
And the nationalist touch is still missing. To do this, we must place ourselves in the period of the War of Succession (1707), where the evil Philip V appears on the scene, who will not only abolish the Furs, but will also prohibit the use of gunpowder. They say that to avoid the backfire censors, Valencian artisans got creative, giving the marzipan that shape so peculiar to the two central pieces of the mocadorà.
If the naive person who patented “Pollofre y Coñofre” believed that he had invented gunpowder to sexualize confectionery, I can tell you no. Here we have been showing our shame in the form of Tronaor (mascle) and Piuleta (femella) at least since the transition.
With respect, we are the creators of the coentor for a reason.
