Mònica gets married in less than two hours and is still at her job. She wants to get a couple of things ready, go home to change and get to the notary. Her office colleagues suffer in case she doesn't arrive on time - go away, Monica, they insist! - but she says she's not nervous. She is happy and excited. She is 53 years old, her partner is 61, and she assures that at this age things are seen differently.
They got engaged ten years ago, with dinner and gift exchange included. From the first moment they were clear that it would be civil - the two were divorced - “but between one thing and another time passed and we couldn't find the moment. We started the paperwork just before the pandemic, and everything came to a standstill. Then we started the procedures again, but if you get lost, some documents expire, and we have to start again. I have requested the registry paper about 12 times! ”He explains to La Vanguardia.
In the end, today will be the day. Mònica explains that, although the initial approach was very romantic, they also wanted to leave things well organized. “We come from very Excel worlds, and it was important to have the relationship that way as well, especially because we both have children from previous partners.”
In a situation like theirs, “the advice is to get married no matter what,” says Cristina Díaz-Malnero, president of the Family Law Section of the Illustrious Bar Association of Barcelona (ICAB). “Marriage is a way to protect widowhood and inheritance rights. And although some believe that forming a de facto couple is practically the same, the reality is that it is not. “There is no state law on common-law couples, nor real protection.”
Being a de facto couple does not directly give the ability to inherit. Although there are nuances in some communities. In Aragon, in the event of death, the widow/widower is responsible for the household goods and may reside for one year in the habitual residence owned by the deceased. In the case of Navarra and the Valencian Community, the regulation of these unions to be equivalent to marriage was declared unconstitutional and all part of the economic, fiscal, patrimonial or inheritance content was annulled. Right now, only if the couple is registered in Catalonia, the Basque Country, Galicia or the Balearic Islands does it have the same inheritance rights as marriages.
“Even so, it is not at all clear,” warns Díaz-Malnero. “An example is what happens with the widow's pension. In April 2021, the Supreme Court ordered the pension to be granted to a Catalan woman who demonstrated cohabitation with the registration certificate, as permitted by law in this community. But the Third Chamber of this same organization clarified a year later that that sentence had been an exception and that the death of one of the members of a de facto couple only generates a widow's pension if the couple is registered as such in the municipal registry or autonomous”.
Diana is now trapped in precisely this situation. 10 years ago they detected a very aggressive cancer in Carlos, her partner, and they warned them that she would not survive. At that time she was 60 years old and he was 65. They had been in a relationship for more than a decade and had not had to sign any papers. “I had been married once before and he had always declared himself against marriage, but as soon as we learned of the diagnosis he was clear.”
The papers had to be arranged as soon as possible so that she would be protected legally. “Getting a date for the Civil Registry of Tarragona was not quick, and since time was against us, we went before a notary to formalize the de facto partnership. Issue solved, we think.” And the months passed and Carlos improved. And they forgot everything. Until a year ago, when the cancer returned and this time he couldn't overcome it.
"I had never thought about marriage in a legal sense - explains Diana, who is about to turn 70 - but reality has made me enter a bureaucracy that I did not expect." Although it is true that at the will level she has not had problems, today she has not yet been able to process the widow's pension. They tell her that her union is not recorded in the Civil Registry and that she must file an appeal. She has been doing the paperwork for several months now and going from office to office. She is not giving up, although she admits that it is hard to go through all this after such a complicated illness process.
Situations like these help to understand a little more why weddings among those over 60 have skyrocketed in Spain. In just 10 years the number of men over 60 who have married has doubled, going from 4,582 to 9,851. And if we look further back, the figure has multiplied by 5 in the last 20 years. In the case of women, it has gone from 1,485 in 2011 to 4,585 in 2021, according to the latest data from the INE.
But inheritance rights aside, Gema Pérez Rojo, doctor in psychology, professor at CEU San Pablo University and expert on older people, explains to us why we get married in adulthood. “Studies indicate that older couples have higher levels of mutual commitment, emotional involvement and trust than younger couples. As the years go by we become clearer about what we like and what we don't like. And there is also different research that shows that mature people make better decisions than young people, in general.”
Mònica couldn't agree more. “When you're young it's easier to make mistakes in a relationship. There is a point of ignorance not of the other, but of oneself. Now I know myself much more, I know what I am like. And this is very important when you are with someone. Know how you are and how you act in life. And when you are 53 years old you know yourself well and you realize what makes you content, happy and calm. And you can share goals, which are ultimately the four basic things you want in your life.”
“Different studies conclude that older people with a partner tend to live longer and happier,” warns Pérez Rojo. And he points out another important aspect. “Older people stay with the positive in general. It's not that they don't see the negative, but that they stay with the positive. And this helps to have greater well-being and emotional balance.” To this we must add that with age we become more selective with social relationships "and if a person does not contribute anything significant to us, they are left aside."
“The projects are also much clearer - adds the doctor in psychology - and this is reflected in the weddings. The celebration at 60 will be what that person wants, while at 30 one can be more influenced by others.” Mònica admits that she would never have said that she would remarry, not even that she would live as a couple again. But she didn't imagine that she would meet someone like Valentí.
Today they become a marriage before a notary, with two witnesses and without rings (because they are still making them, but they don't care). They are going on a trip for a few days, nearby and by car. They leave the party for later, let's hope they don't have to wait ten more years.
