“I ended a relationship on WhatsApp. It was a strange and sad experience, but healing,” says Rocío, 30, and explains: “She was tired, distressed and the decision had already been made. At that moment, I thought: Why sit down again and explain to her how I feel if I know that she is going to continue acting the same way? The use of messaging apps is very normalized at the beginning of a relationship. But what happens when they are used to finish it? Is it legal to break up on WhatsApp?
"It always depends on the context. WhatsApp, letter, audio, call, face-to-face conversation... I don't think we should judge or establish rules for how a person should be left, but understand that each situation is different and that each person is different. For example, there are people who express themselves better in writing and who then get blocked in a face-to-face conversation," says psychologist Andrea García-Paredes, who disseminates content on self-esteem, relationships and emotional dependence in her Instagram and TikTok accounts.
Marta Ramo is a psychologist who is an expert in couples therapy, post-breakup grief and anxiety. When interviewed for this report, she remembers the time when a patient explained to her how she felt surprised and hurt when receiving a message from her partner, with whom she had been in a relationship for four years. The message said something like “I want to end the relationship, I haven't felt well for a long time.”
“The lack of explanations or an in-person conversation left her confused and with a deep feeling of rejection. It made her feel undervalued and despised, a feeling that led her to start a therapeutic process," says the psychologist, and points out: "The end of a romantic relationship already generates feelings of sadness, guilt and denial of the situation in the vast majority of times. When this closure is done through a message, it can be interpreted as a lack of consideration and empathy towards the other person.”
As he indicates, “many people may feel hurt, confused or frustrated when receiving this news in such a distant way. Additionally, written language can be easily misinterpreted, which can lead to less clear communication about the reasons and feelings involved in the decision to end the relationship.”
For couples therapist Patricia Manguet, a messaging app like WhatsApp “is very useful for communicating certain things, but it is not recommended at all for talking about delicate topics. It can lead to misunderstandings. Since we don't have the person we are talking to in front of us, we miss out on all the non-verbal communication. "The same phrase can have a totally different meaning if we say it in a joking, ironic or angry tone."
Furthermore, - the therapist maintains - immediacy “has the drawback that it takes away space for reflection. Impulsiveness can easily take over the conversation and cause something small to lead to a big fight.”
The therapist insists that face to face, or even a phone call, is always better. When they leave you on WhatsApp, she says, “the helplessness and lack of control over what is happening to you is very great. It makes it impossible for you to ask for clarification, ask questions, see how the person who is leaving you feels... The uncertainty is much greater and it is more difficult to understand what has happened and what your responsibilities are in that breakup. “All this complicates the duel.”
Rocío had been with her partner for six years when she decided to end their relationship through this means, in 2019. “I feel like it wasn't the best way, because it was a long and super healthy relationship, which ended with a text message and never again.” “I saw it,” she says.
Although today he does not consider that this way of ending things was ideal, at that time it seemed the only possible one. “I didn't find any other option. He didn't find a time for us to see each other and explain how I felt. I gave him every opportunity and option to have a face to face conversation and it didn't happen. And I didn't want to stretch it any further. I needed to say it,” he says.
After telling his ex-partner that she already had a decision made, he himself told her to end it with those last messages. “He told me that he didn't see the point in us seeing each other so that I could repeat to his face that I wanted to leave him and we would both have a bad time,” she says.
“It depends on where that relationship is. It is something that each couple must decide. They are the ones who establish the rules,” says psychologist Andrea García-Paredes and clarifies: “If it is a healthy relationship, in general, leaving it on WhatsApp is not the best option. Obviously, a face-to-face conversation gives us much more. However, WhatsApp is still just another means of communication. Everyone does what he can."
“It is understandable that the person who wants to leave the relationship feels overwhelmed by the situation and does not have enough tools to face a face-to-face conversation,” says couples therapist Marta Ramo, and clarifies: “In this situation , I would recommend at least trying to have the conversation over the phone, which can be a more respectful and constructive option. The shield behind the phone is still there, but at least a longer dialogue can take place and the tone of the other person's voice can be received, which provides important information for understanding."
Even if this conversation is by telephone - says the expert - "it provides the opportunity to express emotions, questions and concerns, and allows for clearer and more compassionate communication at such a sensitive time."
