What has been the most important thing in raising your children?
Knowing what I know about children's brains, give them a safe environment where they can grow without feeling afraid. And I tried to raise them without screens.
Because?
Because neurological studies say that the important thing is to spend time in real life and talk a lot.
Affection without overprotection.
That's right, you have to spend quality time with them. Children who grow up in safe environments have more self-esteem and confidence as adults. At a university in Japan they did a study on overprotection.
And what are your conclusions?
Today's children are overprotected and develop less some brain structures that have to do with solving problems, making good decisions, feeling confident in themselves... It is not overprotection that they need.
What do you need?
What your brain needs is balance, you can feel loved and not overprotected, have limits and at the same time autonomy, and have rules and your own will.
…
When you let him do everything he wants he has anxiety problems, and when you don't let him do anything he grows up with a lot of anxiety and difficulties making decisions.
And they reach pre-adolescence.
Yes, at 9 or 10 years old. At that stage it is as if thorns grew on them, they are more surly towards their parents, and it has to do with the change from childhood to adolescence, which scares them.
They want to continue being children but not?
It is typical to find the 11 or 12 year old child who is already beginning pubertal development and at the same time sleeps with the stuffed animal.
How can we help them?
Giving them the space but at the same time the security that they can return to us.
Wind them up.
In adolescence it is rope, rope and rope, and resistance and calm and waiting, and trying to make sure the rope does not break without giving up the rules and limits.
Triple somersault.
In adolescence, their attention is focused on friends, the group, WhatsApp, and sexual relationships.
Parents hate us a little.
They hate us a lot, but it is their job. It is essential that they separate from their parents to be independent and autonomous because in life they are going to have to take risks and make decisions.
Give me keys to deal with them.
You have to leave them a lot of space. The adolescent wants to be in his world, in his room, and we must understand that it is part of his process. And there are going to be conflicts, they are part of the hormonal changes and the process, they lack self-control.
Respect your space.
Yes, knock on your room door before entering. 90% of adolescent attacks on parents occur in their bedroom when they feel cornered.
“Close the door” is a recurring phrase.
You have to find the right moments to talk, to connect with them. But the rules are still necessary, they are not yet adults. You have to help them make good decisions.
How does watching porn affect you?
Consumption is enormous and in the roles they see in porn there is a lot of inequality.
Machismo grows among them.
At 10 years old they already watch porn and it will still take them a while to have relationships, but that leaves an imprint on them, an idea of what relationships should be like: a genital act. They see things so hard that they desensitize them.
Has marijuana been normalized?
They start using when they are 14 or 16 years old. We must work hard at the society level so that they understand that joints are not harmless.
What adults will they become?
Dopamine and serotonin go in tandem. Now adolescents are hooked on dopamine, the hormone of anticipation of reward, they consume pornography, content on social networks all the time, clothes... They are trapped by novelty and stimuli. When dopamine increases, serotonin, which is the hormone of satisfaction, decreases.
And then?
I feel empty, irritable, anxious, apathetic and less able to connect with others. We have a spike in anxiety among teenagers.
What do you think about them being able to change their sex at 16 without their parents' permission?
Adolescence is a time to experiment, to change your mind. It is important to give them time to explore, but that decision should not be made at 16 years old. We are seeing many cases of regret after irreversible sex changes.
