Like most Ukrainians, Marichka Shtirbulova clearly remembers where she was and what she was doing exactly one year ago. She “she had just premiered a play in Kyiv and on the night of February 23 she had a performance. It went very well and I felt happy. I took a selfie in the dressing room and I keep it because it is the last photo from before the war, of a life that has already ended. That night, I don't know why, I decided to walk home. I spent a long time walking around the city and got home quite late. The sound of an explosion woke me up. It was half past five in the morning. I sat up in bed, grabbed the phone and read: "The war has just begun." I remember feeling how my hands were getting cold.
An actress and singer, Shtirbulova is also a keen activist for the Ukrainian language. Born into a bilingual family in Kyiv, she decided to switch to Ukrainian at the age of 17. “I started to really get into folk music and saw that it was a big contradiction if I then lived in Russian. I'm not happy that I know how to speak Russian. I don't even put it on my resume. Now that Russia is killing us, I suppose it is better understood ”, she explained to this newspaper last June in an interview in a place in the center of Kyiv where, for some years, she has organized Ukrainian language courses. “Many want to speak Ukrainian, but it is difficult for them because they have always spoken in Russian. It is the result of centuries of Russian domination. With the invasion, many people have seen that the Russian occupation is not only territorial, the cultural one is much stronger, ”she explained.
The war caused him an existential crisis, because it left artistic creation meaningless. “Art has always been for me an instrument of dialogue, of change. But when the war broke out, for the first time in my life I felt that it was useless. When you face evil, real violence, there is no place for art. Only weapons do. The first month of the war I thought I would never act again. Then, little by little, I began to understand that singing and acting make me useful. But I still think about leaving everything and going to fight.
Six months have passed and he explains that the doubts have not completely dissipated. “I would say that I am still looking for a new meaning to what I do. In recent months I have been touring Europe, performing in a contemporary opera by two composer friends, Ilia Razumeiko and Roman Grigoriv. The show has been very well received and we always organize a discussion after the performance. It is my way of fighting for my country in this war, because the cultural front is also very important. It is not about my personal artistic ambition, I feel that we take Ukrainian art to the world, explaining our history, our reasons. What is obvious to us is not obvious abroad. It exasperates me that so many Europeans do not see that this war is not just about Putin and his people, that all Russians are responsible."
Shtirbulova has her brother fight as a volunteer. “For a few weeks she has been at the front, at what we call kilometer zero. Everything changes when you have someone you love fighting. You live with a fear inside that does not go away, ”she says. On December 31, her brother sent her a video. He would go out with his battalion mates. The commander had dressed in a Santa Claus suit and was distributing oranges among the soldiers. “It seemed like a happy video and I was happy. Then my brother told me that one of the girls in the video had died that day, two hours ago. She chilled my heart. I even got mad at him for sending me that video, for making me so sad. Then I understood that he simply needed my support, to share what he is experiencing ”.
