Taking some time in a relationship is conceived as an intermediate solution between staying in a relationship that is not going through a good moment and a permanent breakup. We propose it as a break in which those involved should reflect on how they feel, on the problems between them and the possible solutions to save the bond that unites them.
It is an option often taken when partners find it difficult to walk away from each other in a drastic breakup. However, this time away may only serve to further weaken the bond or realize that the relationship is not worth saving. In this regard, psychologist María Marcos reflects on her blog about when it is a good idea to take some time in a relationship and when it is not.
The psychologist, with an office in Madrid, points out that it is positive to take a break when there are many conflicts in a relationship. “Staying away from each other could help you understand their perspective and figure out if they're compatible with you,” she explains.
Another point in which this rest can be positive is when you have doubts about an important commitment, such as marriage or a move. In the words of the psychologist, “if you are having regrets, it may be a good idea to take a break from your partner and find out if this relationship is something you really want.” In case you discover that this commitment is not what you want, "you can discuss your situation as a couple and if you agree, you can decide to take things more slowly instead of committing immediately."
On the other hand, a break may be appropriate if there has been infidelity and the betrayed party needs time to make a decision, regain trust, and figure out if the relationship is worth saving. Likewise, he points out that it is a good idea to take some time if the person has been dissatisfied with the relationship for a long time. That break “can help you figure out what exactly is why you feel dissatisfied in the relationship and if something can be done to change it,” writes María Marcos.
Regarding situations in which a break is a bad idea, the psychologist advises against doing so “if you just want to win a conflict” or “because you want to have the advantage in an argument or you want to show your partner that you can break up.” She warns that “most of the time we take time with our partners it usually ends in a breakup,” so we should avoid resorting to that break as a manipulation tactic.
Nor should we take this break as an excuse to have sexual relations with another person, unless the limits of the temporary separation with the couple are very clear and defined. And, finally, it is not a good idea to take a break if the problem can be resolved through communication or therapy, methods of resolution that the psychologist recommends.
