A move abroad, a job change, a new academic adventure. There are multiple causes that lead people without close family or friends to suffer unwanted loneliness. A problem that tends to become chronic, since those who suffer from it often feel trapped in a loop of doubts and insecurities through which they end up avoiding new interactions. Making friends is not easy, but luckily, studies in clinical psychology have revealed three strategies that can help you improve your social life and overcome loneliness.
Cognitive restructuring, behavioral activation and training of certain social skills emerge as three effective dynamics when it comes to challenging the negative thinking patterns affected by people who suffer from loneliness, according to the Northwestern University researcher, Benji Kaveladze, in an article for The Psychologist. Although, to put them into practice, these people must leave their comfort zone and make an effort to establish new connections and face the possibility of social rejection.
Negative and pessimistic thoughts are a constant for people who are alone, which leads to self-esteem problems and results in loneliness itself. Likewise, it is common for them to remember their failed interactions more clearly than their positive social experiences. To amend it, it is necessary to begin to contrast these thoughts with reality.
Cognitive restructuring consists of identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with healthier ones. Instead of labeling yourself as “shy,” it is better to think that you have your limitations. Replace “I'm egocentric” with “aren't there people with the same problems?” Or try thinking that there are more people like you instead of saying “you're weird.”
Avoiding stressful social situations will not only not get you out of loneliness, but it will strengthen your resources. Nobody likes to live in uncomfortable situations, but if you want to make friends, you have to take certain risks. Give yourself a chance and invite that new coworker to lunch or dare to say hello to that acquaintance you just saw on the street. Chance encounters can be the first step to establishing quality relationships!
Acquiring some social skills will help you form and strengthen your bonds. For example, active listening will help you have relaxed and pleasant conversations. Maintaining eye contact, asking for clarification and asking open questions will show interest in the conversation and make your interlocutor feel more comfortable. On the other hand, assertiveness is essential to communicate our desires and concerns to others, without belittling their own demands.
