Adolescence is a transcendental time, in which important traits of a person's personality are formed. Young people leave childhood to adapt to adult life, greater responsibilities and, in turn, demand more independence. This also involves leisure, making friends with whom you can spend your free time, start going out at night and even go on vacation together.
However, although some teenagers have a great ability to meet new people and make friends, others face difficulties in this regard. Either because they are shy, because they have a hard time relating to others, they feel like they don't fit in – not in vain, puberty entails many changes – or they don't get along or find people with common interests.
It may be the case that your teenager prefers to have a small circle, with few friends but that they are strong, close and of quality. Or maybe the problem is that he doesn't know how to make friends. In this case, it is common for parents to worry and want to know how to help their children.
On the blog Adolescencia Positiva, specialized in raising adolescents, they note some possible reasons for the difficulty of young people making friends. Among them, they point to a lack of self-esteem as the most common. It can also be due to difficulties in social skills, emotional problems, a feeling of not fitting in, or previous bad experiences with other friends.
Likewise, a discrepancy between how the group's leisure is organized and the rules at home can also prevent our children from making friends. For example, if they usually talk on social networks and we don't let our child have a cell phone.
Thus, the Positive Adolescence guidelines to help a teenager who has no friends start by promoting their self-esteem, starting with showing your love for your child unconditionally. You should also teach him that he should not change for other people, stop being who he is or do things that he does not feel comfortable with just to make friends.
In this regard, you can help him find people with the same hobbies by inviting him to go to places where this situation may occur. For example, a drama club if you like acting or a reading club if you like reading.
Another recommendation from Positive Adolescence is that parents themselves be models and examples in terms of how they behave with their friends. “If you are pretending in your friendships, changing radically for them, not valuing your personality… It is difficult for your son or daughter not to do the same. Think hard about whether that effort is worth it or if you prefer friends with whom you can be yourself,” the blog states.
Finally, they call for calm. They emphasize that friendships usually go slowly and that as long as your child interacts with people who value him, “he will advance on his path towards self-worth, which is essential,” they conclude.
