Arguments as a couple are inevitable and, to a certain extent, are also essential for the health of the relationship. They get us to set limits, express our disagreements and reach agreements, solutions and reconciliations that strengthen the bond that unites us. All of this, of course, while maintaining composure at all times and without falling into the jaws of a toxic relationship.
Now, it is very common for a discussion about a specific topic to lead to a rambling about endless past conflicts or grudges that we have not yet expressed. Thus, the fight that begins because one of the two said they would make dinner and has not done so ends up revealing who always leaves dirty clothes lying on the floor, who responded in a hostile manner on any given day, and who takes away the blanket. to the other while you sleep.
In the midst of the chaos of the discussion, it is normal for it to get heated and escalate. You get angry, you remember aspects of the other person that bothered you and you take advantage of the moment to throw them in their face, sometimes even committing disrespect. But the only thing you achieve is to get more and more angry, to hurt each other and the origin of the conflict is lost in a tidal wave of reproaches without reaching a solution. In this regard, a psychologist shares a very simple and practical trick to avoid moving away from the main focus of the dispute.
The psychologist Alicia González accumulates 484 thousand followers on her profile on the social network Instagram, where she shares videos giving advice on mental health and relationships. Among her content, there is a video where she reflects on how to maintain focus in couple's discussions to avoid falling into disrespect and hurtful comments. The secret? Make use of a tangible object that symbolizes the discussion so as not to divert the conversation.
“Sometimes in the middle of an argument, hurtful things are said,” the psychologist begins, “the problem with this is that later, even if there is a reparation, even if there is a sorry and a pardon, that phrase remains stuck and etched with fire. and it may have been a phrase that was said to you a long time ago.” She then advises to look for
“an object of any kind, it can be a ball, the object has to represent the discussion, the problem, what has caused the discussion.”
Alicia González points out that “the discussion has to focus on that object.” “The moment the conversation is directed to the person and we start with insults or disrespect, we will know that the objective of the discussion is being completely lost. It is very important that you focus on the object, on the problem, and thus without realizing it we will be forming a team that is in favor of resolving the conflict,” she concludes.
