We live surrounded by constant changes, from the cycles of nature to those that are presented to us in our lives, whether evolutionary, imposed by life or sought by our own decision. From the moment we are born, we are constantly experiencing changes in ourselves, our circumstances, and our environment. The dynamics of change are inescapable. As Mercedes Sosa expressed it well in her famous song 'Everything changes': "The superficial changes, the deep also changes, the way of thinking changes, everything in this world changes."
Although for some people, changes present exciting challenges and opportunities for growth, generally speaking, they are difficult to navigate. The root of this difficulty lies in having to leave our comfort zone, or at least, what we are familiar with, even if it does not always provide us with comfort. Often, fear and change go hand in hand. The fear of risking that the unknown could be worse stops us and prevents us from experiencing changes lightly. We even have proverbs that reflect this idea: "Little virgin, little virgin, let me stay as I am" or "Better evil known than good unknown."
Making decisions that involve changes or adapting to those that are presented to us naturally can lead to some emotional discomfort. The fear of making a mistake in the decision made or the difficulty in sustaining uncertainty can manifest itself in the form of anxiety, restlessness or nervousness. This can understandably lead us to cling to the familiar as an attempt to find stability and security. Clinging involves holding on tightly to something or someone with the desire that it remain, that it last. With this intention we cling to places, people, relationships, objects, status, youth, health, beliefs, feelings and even life itself. However, change is intrinsic to everything and everyone, and clinging cannot prevent it.
Life is the ultimate expression of impermanence, a central concept in Buddhism that encompasses the transitory and changing nature of all things. Mattieu Ricard, Buddhist monk, writes in his book The Art of Meditation: “Understanding that change is inscribed in the nature of all phenomena in the animate or inanimate world means that we do not cling to things as if they should last forever. Sooner or later, this last attitude causes suffering since it falsifies reality.”
The only constant thing in life is change, although we cannot perceive it except when it materializes into something tangible. For example, we can clearly perceive the change that occurs in a seed when it becomes a flower, but we do not capture the changes and movements that accompany that process. Just because we don't see them doesn't mean they aren't happening. Along these same lines, when we reach certain ages we realize the changes in our skin, our face and our body. These changes do not occur overnight, although they may be more evident to us at a given moment. Everything in us and around us is in continuous change and movement.
If we were fully aware of this, we probably wouldn't hold on as much or, at least, it wouldn't cost us so much to let go. Holding on to something or someone knowing that it is temporary and transitory is meaningless and often entails suffering.
We can encounter various situations that are a reflection of the inherent change in life, inviting us to let go. This happens, for example, when our children begin to build their own path, when we accompany a loved one in the last stage of their life, or when we leave behind a relationship that has come to an end. The act of letting go arises when we manage to accept. And, although it may entail sadness, it does not entail suffering since the latter emerges from the lack of acceptance. Internalizing the ephemeral nature of life would be of great help to us when it comes to accepting changes and letting go.
Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön writes in her book As We Live, We Die: “We prefer to think that we have solid ground to stand on than to see clearly that everything is in continuous transition.” This phrase refers to the paradox of our existence: although we know that change is constant and inevitable, we live as if life were static, imperishable. We prefer to maintain the illusion of solid ground under our feet, even when reality shows us that everything is in a perpetual state of change and movement.
By recognizing and accepting the changing nature of life, we can learn not to cling and, at the same time, cultivate a greater capacity to experience changes with less difficulty.
María Rufino is a Doctor in Psychology
