She worked as a lawyer for two years and got out of it.
Because I realized that the result of my work did not depend on me, but on a number of other people's elements. I went to coordinate my father's cabinet for ten years.
Felipe Gonzalez.
My father was looking for someone trustworthy and I was, for my part that job allowed me to have three children in three years, which is not an easy challenge in the world of work.
What did he learn?
To work autonomously, by objectives. My father has not been a boss to use and the environment was atypical, I learned to navigate in it.
Has it been difficult being the daughter of the president of Spain for 14 years?
Understanding who I was and what I contributed beyond being the daughter of someone so visible was complicated. The day I graduated, the press published comparative notes from Aznar's son and mine. Nobody remembers, but I do.
I understand.
And it's hard for a girl to see her picture in Hello! when you go on a field trip with the school I was 4 years old when we went to live in Moncloa, my life has been marked by that.
Where has it taken her?
I have the feeling of having evolved in the last ten years, today I understand who I am and I fit into my life without having to turn invisible, which has been my preferred strategy for so many years.
Now he is a coach.
I was disoriented, I didn't know what to do with my life, and the process was so useful to me that I decided to train and specialize in nonviolent communication.
And what happened in his life?
This model gives you the tools to look within, understand what your needs are, and attend to them.
It is also a correct communication.
There are two large groups, those who tend to keep things quiet and those who are explosive. In both cases there is violence and deterioration in the relationship.
We often do not recognize our own violence.
It is very common, because we have normalized it and we understand violence to be insulting or assaulting, but we accept a lot of things that are violent as valid.
For example?
What you mean to keep quiet is violence against you and the other, it implies a lack of trust; comparing one person to another or judging them is violence.
Tell me about the basic principles.
Pay attention to the facts, which you should not confuse with your opinion; to feelings, which you should not confuse with your evaluations; to needs, and knowing how to ask for what you want.
Give me some practice.
What another person does or says is not the cause of what we feel.
A drunk yells and yells at dawn.
The feeling is that I'm pissed off because I want to sleep. To meet your need you can call the police, close the window or put earplugs.
Look for a good strategy.
We often need recognition in the work environment. If that need depends only on my boss congratulating me and I have a boss who is not congratulatory, my need for recognition will be neglected.
AND?
Recognition should not be outside, there is no one like you who knows the intention and effort you put into things; the recognition that comes from outside is a bonus. And the same goes for the need for love.
I stew it, I eat it?
This model enables you to find ways to meet your needs, generate solutions, resources that are in you and that you don't usually consider. Needs that, no matter how concrete they are, you should not make them depend on another person. It's about turning shit into compost, tension into compression.
Very graphic.
You can generate closeness and connection if you know how to handle the model; put yourself at the service of the conversation without your emotions impacting and listening to offer empathy.
Give us some advice so that we don't always fight with those we love.
Hit the pause button. When there is a situation that throws you off your feet, follow the four steps: ask yourself what the facts were, how you felt, what you needed, and what you are going to do about it to be okay with you. And the same applies to the other.
That relieves you of expectations.
Yes, you will have at your disposal ways to take care of yourself without demanding that others take care of you. Do I love you because I love you or do I love you so that you love me? Active and empathetic listening is not listening to the word but to what is behind it: the feeling and the need.
explain yourself
Words are often the awkward expression of what people feel and need.
