I used to be a traveler, one of those who grabs a backpack and sets out to see the world. Later he was a lecturer and participant in seminars and symposiums. “Until one day I stopped seeing the point in having to cross continents to share ideas with my colleagues,” reflects via Zoom Svend Brinkmann, psychologist, philosopher and professor at Aalborg University, who has become one of the gurus of JOMO, the joy of missing out, as opposed to FOMO, the fear of missing out.
Precisely The Joy of Missing Things (Koan), an intellectual exercise that talks about the art of self-control in a time without limits, which he identifies as a "credit card" society, is the title of the new book by the Danish writer, which is draws inspiration from ancient Greece to address the key issues of modern life. “Living according to immediate emotion is desperate because everything runs out very quickly. And then you need more and more and more and more. And you are no longer a free person,” Brinkmann summarizes, citing his existentialist compatriot Sören Kierkegaard’s idea of aesthetic despair.
How did you come up with the idea of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) as opposed to FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)?
Well, I wanted to leave my register as an academic author and write something closer to people. I started with this style in my first book 'Stand firm' and this one is in the same vein. I borrow the language of self-help, but without really buying into the culture of self-help.
You compare the world to the Titanic's orchestra, which continues to play while the ship sinks. Do we really have to rethink the way we live so much?
Yes. Because in the 20th century the consumer society developed and we were left with the idea that a good life consists of consuming, experimenting and traveling as much as possible, a society of excess. Sociologist Zygmunt Baugman used to call it the credit card society, which came after the bank account society. The credit card society is a society of excess, of abundance, so that you can consume and buy things even before you can afford it.
And what do you propose?
I think it's obvious that we need to change, but that is extremely difficult. If we tell people that they have to miss out on things, they will see it as a bad thing and won't listen to us. That's why I think you have to explore a deeper happiness in a life where you stop chasing more and more all the time. And that's what I explore in the book, basically. Maybe there is a joy in getting lost. Maybe there is a happiness to be found in a life with different options and the opportunity to delve a little deeper into the things that are meaningful in life.
And is that possible on an individual level? Sounds difficult…
Absolutely, very difficult. And that is the weakness of my approach, since I formulate this a bit like a self-help book and I can give that impression that each individual has to change. And in reality it seems to me to be a collective problem, which requires political action. But still, we need to articulate a positive vision about a good life with less, to be part of the bigger conversation that a democratic society must address about how we should live together and how society should develop. Of course, as an individual, you can always do something, without falling into the elitist trap, of course.
What does it consist of?
It is the trap that someone like me can fall into, a rich person who lives in a rich country and from that perspective I conclude that everyone should have less. And then people say, rightly, that it's very easy for me to say it because I already have so much. They tell me that it is easy for me to reduce my vacations, my purchases and what I consume. That's why I tried to make that explicit, that we have to be careful not to fall into this elitist trap. We must be careful not to individualize the problem and see it as a collective problem in our society.
And while we raise that democratic conversation that you talk about, what do you suggest to reach a turning point?
I can tell you about myself, what was my turning point, when I started studying and reading about these studies that told me that if I earned more money I wouldn't be happier because I was already rich enough. My life changed. And I saw that, in reality, having more options does not make us happier. It will only cause us to have more doubts about what we choose. I quote quite a bit from psychologist Barry Schwartz, who wrote a book called The paradox of choice many years ago, who said that at least in the rich democratic countries of the world, when we expand material options, the people become less happy. That's counterintuitive, because we've been raised with the idea that more options will make you happier because then you can express your individuality. You are happy if you have something that is exclusively yours, but it turns out that that is not true. It is much better to have to choose between three good things than between thirty.
What is your idea of a good life?
Well, I really can't find a better way than Aristotle 2,500 years ago when he defined the word 'eudaimonia', which can be translated as the good life for a human being or even happiness. Aristotle said it was an activity of the soul in accordance with the virtues, and that means an active life, of doing, of exploring, of acquiring knowledge, of loving, of contributing to the communities of which you are a part. But, always according to the virtues. And that means you can't be happy if you're a bad person. We have to act in an ethical way, we need moderation, courage and a sense of justice to be happy.
You are very critical of the movement to simplify life. What do you see wrong with it?
What happens is that this philosophy ended up becoming a trend and big business. And I think that is symptomatic of what happens in today's society, that even trying to go against the problems you end up becoming part of that society that we criticize. This is what happened with the movement of simplifying your life, and maybe with mindfulness, yoga... with all those kinds of techniques that are interesting and that, I suppose, allow you to live a happier life with greater attention to others. the rest. I have nothing against the simple living movement in particular. I just think it's a symptom of what's happening and what can happen with my own book, even. If the joy of missing out becomes a new trend I will have lost, in a way.
You hope JOMO doesn't become a trend, you mean?
Yes, I don't know. I've seen the phrase used here and there, and I don't know who invented it. I don't think it was me. But suddenly, there is a possibility that it will explode and become something big, a big trend. I don't know, maybe after your interview with me, people will invite me to Spain to talk about the joy of missing out, and I'll become a millionaire teaching people how to live a life of missing out. That is the paradox.
How would you explain the joy of missing out on things?
It would be a life focused on what's really important, and you can only do that if you learn the skill of missing things, of saying no, of not overloading your calendar with projects and things to do. If you live like this, maybe you won't despair when you see that other people do more than you at work or in any field. The fear of missing out is this idea that I compare myself to others and see that they do more than me, that they experience more than me, that they are more successful than me. And that leads me to get frustrated, it's terrible. Because then you think that you have to change your job, your partner, your city, etc. And the joy of missing out is knowing that maybe what you need to live a good life is already here. Chances are, you already have what you need if you focus on what's already really important.
The smartphone is probably the best instrument for FOMO.
Sure, yes, yes. The smartphone is a technology that invites us to fear that we will miss something, basically. It teaches us to never be satisfied with what we have because we are bombarded with images of other people who are prettier, richer, who do more things than us. It is a comparison machine. I'm thinking, in particular, of social media, of course, which is a FOMO machine. And I am active on the networks and I know what I'm talking about. But at least I think we can all try to be aware of what's going on and use it a little more carefully and not just like and click and scroll and check everything, all the time. Because then you enter a cycle of FOMO.
Do you think you are already living a JOMO life?
There is a paradox that thanks to the books and the things I do, I am now invited to give interviews and talks, to write articles, and so it is very difficult for me to enjoy the joy of missing out on things. I wrote about it and I have created a problem for myself. So I can't say that my life has taken a turn towards a calmer and more engaged way of life. I would like to say it, but it would be a lie. So I still have to read my own book to remind myself what is truly important.
A slower life?
One could say, Yes. Many sociologists have been analyzing what they call the great social acceleration of our times: we eat fast food, we take power naps, we go on speed dates... It is really difficult to find an aspect of life that has not accelerated its pace. Everything goes faster. And that means you're tempted why settle for less if I can try more. And that sums up FOMO. Because you can't have a favorite place without seeing them all, and the world is very big and your life is relatively short. We could equally say that you cannot have a favorite job until you have had them all or a favorite wife until you have had them all. And so it becomes something absurd. But we tend to live like this. How do I know I have what's right for me if I haven't tried everything yet? Well, you can never try everything. So you have to commit to something. How do I know it's the right thing to do? You can't, but that's life.
Do you make any suggestions at the end of the book, sort of like finding beauty in simplicity?
I think we have to develop, I hope this word makes sense, an ecology.
Ecology?
An ecology of attention, of action. That is, if we think that I can discipline my will directly, that I can resist temptation, that I can train myself as in a mental gym to resist, then I will be strong. But I'm very skeptical about it. I think it's impossible. I quote Oscar Wild, who always had these wonderful quips, and he said, "I can resist anything except temptation." And that's funny, but it's also true. Ultimately, humans can't resist temptation. We are tempted. The only solution is to build an ecology of your life in which you are not tempted. So instead of teaching yourself how to resist the temptation to check your social media, then try not being on social media if you can't resist. the temptation to look at your cell phone, take it away. We need public places, parks, libraries, places to meet, to be together, to study, to work, to think...
