Far from having the answer, something that can shed light on this matter is to put ourselves in their shoes and understand the models of perfection and success to which they are constantly exposed and the frustration that not achieving them generates.
On a global scale, there is a crisis in young adults and they are the generation with the highest prevalence of mental health-related conditions. The alarming figures have become a public health problem not only because of the consequences they generate in their development and well-being, but also because of the socioeconomic and health costs derived.
According to the World Health Organization (2020), globally, depression is the leading cause of disability and suicide is the second cause of death for young people between 15 and 29 years of age. In addition, studies in recent years show that 50% of mental illnesses begin to develop at age 14, but 75% develop around age 24 (National Alliance on Mental Illness, 2021).
In Spain, the number of deaths by suicide increased by 3.7% in 2019 compared to the previous year and remains the third leading cause of death in young people between the ages of 15 and 29 (INE, 2019). Likewise, a report carried out by the Reina Sofía Center on Adolescence and Youth in 2021 reveals that 36.2% of young people between the ages of 15 and 29 declared having some diagnosed mental health problem: depression (45%) and mental disorders. due to anxiety (43.9%) are both prevalent. Regarding unemployment, around 17% of young people between the ages of 15 and 29 cannot find a job, but they cannot afford to study either.
Despite the fact that the pandemic has made major problems visible regarding young people, this was only an amplification of something that had already been taking place before. Undoubtedly, there are many related factors (personal, social, political, economic) and there are various efforts to support our youth from each of these aspects.
We all want to be approved, respected and loved. Being social people, these desires are part of what we share as humanity. However, it can happen that we look for approval, respect and love in the wrong places.
"I have to be perfect", "I can't fail", "I want to travel and have money, without tying myself to a job", "I have to be successful", "I have to do everything right", "Things should be easy". .. These are the phrases I constantly hear in the office and in the halls of the university, whether through what they see on social networks, the lyrics of the music industry songs, or the stories behind other media audiovisuals, young people are constantly integrating an idea of what the "ideal life" should be like.
It is enough to put ourselves in the shoes of what a young person listens to, watches and/or consumes on a daily basis to realize that the three ideas that are constantly repeated are: the quick and easy solution is the best; what matters is what makes you feel good, avoid what causes discomfort; and if you have a good body, you travel and you have money you are successful.
We may think "Hey, but that's not so bad, what's the problem?". The focus of the problem is not in the content of what is sold (which in many cases can be debatable), nor in aspiring to have a better life than we have now. The focus of the problem is in assuming that only this is the path to happiness, approval and love. Reality is neither easy, nor comfortable, nor perfect. When these models become a requirement and a norm that I have to comply with, reality itself is a struggle and a source of frustration.
If I assume that my worth and approval depend on my success, anything that gets in the way of my plans will lead to a feeling of deep disappointment: a failed exam, no plans with friends, no star body, working to get money, not feeling well all the time... And on top of that, if you add to this the weight of assuming that what happens to me "depends solely on me and my willpower", this makes the annoyance even greater.
In the long run, the failure associated with thinking that I am the problem can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, substance use to avoid discomfort, and/or complications with my social circles. Undoubtedly, many other factors are at play, and it would be very reductionist to affirm that the cause of current youth problems is solely due to this, however, I consider it necessary to question what are the schemes and models of perfection or success that young people integrate into daily, and the relationship that this may have with your well-being and mental health.
Do not forget that idea: we all want to be approved, respected and loved. For this reason, the key is to understand that it is not necessary to stop looking for approval, respect and love, but to start looking for it in the right places, in the right way. “There is nothing more unstable than the surface” said the architect Bosco Gutiérrez in an interview. Even though the ship is moving, the anchor that supports it is in the deep.
We are constantly tied to superficiality. We invest a lot of our time and peace of mind in what we appear to be and what others may think of us. Our time is a scarce commodity, we must begin to untangle the traps they sell and begin directing our attention and effort to what really fills us: true friendships, real connections with people, nourishing ourselves with what we value, taking action that has an impact. in the lives of others, deep conversations, loving and being loved...
Dare not have everything under control and tolerate frustration is uncomfortable and requires effort, yes, however, what you get in return is a peace of mind and satisfaction that is maintained despite the difficulties.
*The author of the text is Claudia López Madrigal, professor in the area of Psychology at the Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences at UIC Barcelona and collaborating psychologist at Support – University Clinic of Psychology and Psychiatry at UIC Barcelona.
