Many inner conflicts we experience are related to the wounded inner child within us. The adult that we are shares space with the child that we were, bearer of experiences, feelings and emotions rooted in our childhood. This subtle interaction between past and present exerts a profound influence on our behavior and emotional well-being. Recognizing this close relationship is essential to understanding behavioral patterns and reactions that we have today.
The concept of the “inner child” arises from the thoughts of psychiatrist and psychologist Carl Gustav Jung, who defined the “child archetype” as a representation of certain “forgotten” aspects of our childhood. These aspects remain latent in us. Some of them are the ability to wonder, to dream, creativity, naivety and innocence. Others are related to painful experiences we had in childhood that caused us emotional wounds. They are memories of moments that caused pain and that gave rise to insecurities or fears.
In his book The Art of Caring for Your Inner Child: Rediscovering Yourself, Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh describes the following: “In everyone there is a child who suffers […] We often try to forget painful moments to protect and defend ourselves.” of future suffering […] and we stuff our feelings and memories into the depths of the unconscious mind. It may be that for many decades we have not dared to look into that child's eyes. But just because we have ignored him, it does not mean that he is not there […]”. This reflection invites us to become aware that within each of us lies a vulnerable part that we tend to bury and ignore to avoid connecting with it. However, ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
The inner child is part of our psychic structure, and although it is always present, there are moments in which its presence becomes more palpable. For example, we may experience moments when we realize that we are crying like a child, feeling small in front of someone, or throwing a tantrum. These episodes lead us to experience emotions and behaviors that make us feel vulnerable or drive us to act in an immature and childish way. On such occasions, we stop behaving like adults and go back to behaving like vulnerable children.
In these situations, our inner child is likely reminding us of some emotional pain from the past that has not yet been healed, urging us to address it to find relief. Healing this pain requires a process, time and, often, psychotherapeutic help. The goal is to learn to establish a relationship of help and care with him.
Carl Rogers, father of humanistic psychology, defined the concept of a helping relationship as “an intense relationship made of acceptance, respect and empathy. The goal is for the person helped to come into contact with their own feelings, be able to express them and gain self-confidence. In the case that concerns us, the helping relationship is established with our wounded inner child who is helped by the conscious adult that we are.
Like any vulnerable child, he longs to be heard, valued, understood and validated. Gradually, we cultivate an inner dialogue in which we allow it to express itself, giving it attention and understanding. In moments of emotional activation, we can resort to questions that encourage this dialogue: How do you feel? What memories or experiences have led you to feel this way? The purpose is to create a space for you to express your feelings, welcoming them from curiosity and genuine interest.
Looking for a photo from when we were little and visualizing it can also facilitate dialogue because it is less difficult to address someone when we give them a face. Photos are connectors of feelings and sensations, transporting us to the past and bringing to mind what we experienced in those moments.
Another useful resource to start a dialogue is writing. By putting into words what you feel at a given moment, we give body to the emotions and make them tangible. The mere act of writing is liberating and therapeutic, providing us with clarity and helping us to be aware. In addition, it provides structure and order to feelings. Writing can take the form of a letter addressed to our inner child or simply putting words to feelings.
In essence, the goal is to establish an emotional connection with the child within us, allowing their feelings and emotions to emerge. However, it is important to highlight that it will not always be easy to connect to the inner child and this can generate resistance in some cases. It is valid to recognize that not all people will feel the need or be receptive to exploring this connection.
As we embark on the process of healing the inner child we begin to experience a series of transformative benefits. Between them, we become less reactive, more reflective and self-aware. Although the child does not disappear, his pain fades, leaving room for creativity, innocence and spontaneity. Healing it allows us to live our daily lives with greater spontaneity and joy. In addition, it strengthens our ability to face everyday situations from the perspective of the conscious adult instead of being carried away by the emotional reactions of the child.
In short, healing it gives us the opportunity to live a more conscious life, freeing us from the weight of its wounds and allowing us to embrace the present with love and compassion for ourselves.
María Rufino is a Doctor in Psychology
