How many people have you seen die?
To more than 10,000. Realizing that death is approaching, we tend to examine our lives according to our beliefs. People want to end well.
How would you like your ending to be?
I wish I could say goodbye, say: "Thank you, I'm sorry, I forgive you and I love you", but since you don't have the guarantee of being able to say it, it is better not to wait until you are on your deathbed. Better do it today.
What have you learned from that trance?
That life is a gift, that nothing is predictable, every moment counts and it is important to be present, to be aware. And that being kind to others is never a mistake.
How to move through fear?
Physical pain is easier to treat; suffering must be helped to express it, give the person the tools he needs.
Exist?
There is a personal fear: how it will be, and the fear of the consequences for your loved ones. I have no answer to what happens after death, but I can guarantee that before dying people are relaxed.
In our society, just naming death makes us uneasy.
Because they don't talk about it and that makes it unknown. We think about death, but we don't talk about it.
You have helped to die in hospitals and hospices, rich and poor.
When the time comes, what is obvious is that things don't matter, only the love of those close to us, the feeling of belonging.
Not everyone has a family.
We are becoming more and more individualistic. We are in the eye of the hurricane of an epidemic of loneliness that is a real challenge.
What happens to him?
There is an international movement called compassion groups that offer support to sick or elderly people who live alone and organize activities for them.
Great topic.
I also like the program in the Netherlands where young students share a flat with older people, pay very low rent and keep them company.
What led you to dedicate yourself to working with people who were on the verge of death?
I was an oncologist, working at a large cancer center, and realized that I was more interested in those patients whose time was scarce and precious.
Do atheists suffer more?
The one who has the worst is the one who is in a gray area, the one who believes there is a god but is not sure, the one who believes there may be a future life but doubts...
Is the worst thing to be agnostic?
At the time of death it is not highly recommended.
How to treat that existential suffering?
The solution is to find a way to be in the present, focused on the now and on you, an idea that all religions share.
We want to appreciate every moment of our life, but that overwhelms a lot.
It is very difficult, only when we look back can we distinguish the crucial moments. Life is not always happy, but it makes us happy to be truly aware that we are alive.
Have you had a good time with the homeless?
Wonderful, dying people often radiate love and humor. They have nothing left to prove or lose and are more willing to forgive and condescend to mistakes.
How many people have you accompanied who have seen the light at the end of the tunnel?
I especially remember the case of a man who was not afraid of dying because he said he knew what was waiting for him.
...
His twin sister passed away at the age of 16, they were very close, and it destroyed him. Thirty years later he had a very serious accident that left him in a coma and had the tunnel experience. On the other side, in a beautiful field, he went up a path and came across a fence, where his sister was waiting for him.
Does this story still excite you?
Yes, it makes me cry. The sister looked the same age as him. When she wanted to go over her fence, she told him no, that she had to go back. He was very disappointed, he wanted to stay, but he woke up in the ICU.
And lost fear forever?
When I met him, he told me that he knew his sister was waiting for him. He had no fear. I'm sorry to get emotional, but I have many stories of this type and in all of them there is joy for the reunion, sadness for having to return and hope for what awaits him.
Do we all have a pending conversation?
Yes, and we always delay it; From my experience I advise you not to.
