That a conflictive relationship between parents takes its toll on children is taken for granted. But what happens when a couple's relationship improves? Does it also improve the mental health of children? "The answer is yes; By improving the relationship between parents, their ability to care for their children improves,” responds psychologist Martiño Rodríguez González, researcher and professor at the University of Navarra who has led a clinical trial in couples therapy in five Spanish-speaking countries (among them Spain) with which it has been confirmed that the quality of the couple's relationship conditions the parental competence of the parents and the mental health of the children also for the better.
“There is a lot of research that shows that the partner is one of the main sources of stress or support for the exercise of parenting: if there are disagreements and lack of empathy, if one does not feel understood by the partner both on a practical and emotional level, This affects the person and puts them in a more negative position to later face the demands of their children; On the other hand, if we communicate well, if we feel that the other is working with us in parenting, if there is no disagreement or we manage to reach agreements, not only does the practical part work better but emotional security improves,” says Rodríguez, who presented the results of the trial at the conference on Prevention and family treatment to improve child and adolescent mental health organized a few weeks ago by the International University of La Rioja (UNIR) and the Spanish Association for Research and Development of Family Therapy (AEI DTF).
And the greater emotional security of parents when their relationship is going well makes it easier, says the psychologist, for them to be more receptive “and better able to start a conversation with their children, to perceive if something is not going well and to give them resources to manage their conflicts. or the stressful situations they may have with siblings, friends or their own parents”, reducing the risk of mental health problems.
He adds that, furthermore, to the extent that the couple's relationship improves, it helps to expand emotional and relational competencies and that growth can be transferred to other relationships, such as paternal or maternal-child relationships.
“There is a whole transfer of what the functioning of the couple's relationship is with parenthood, and a key way to improve and modify the patterns of relationships with children is to improve the relationship between parents,” says Rodríguez, who chairs the AEI DTF.
Her colleague Raquel Rivas, professor and researcher at UNIR, explains that the rapport of the majority of Spanish couples is within “normal.” According to an observational study carried out on 881 people in 2022 who lived with their partners, 30% have high dyadic adjustment scores (which measures the degree of satisfaction, cohesion, consensus and emotional expression) and only 28% have values below the “normal fit”.
Rivas's study also reveals that couples show more positive than negative behaviors in terms of resilience, emotional support, intimacy, communication and coping skills, something that he considers especially relevant because "poorer dyadic adjustment in Parents have been linked in other research to greater depression, lower personal well-being, more stress and greater emotional reactivity,” which can have a negative impact on family stability and the mental health of children.
And he gives examples. “If parents have a conflictive relationship and there are tensions or arguments at home, children may experience anxiety and stress; and an environment characterized by a lack of trust or insecurity between parents can impact the child's ability to develop healthy relationships in the future, and cause them to learn destructive communication patterns and not know how to resolve conflicts positively in their own relationships. , he points out.
In this sense, Rivas believes that the increase in mental health problems in children and adolescents during and after the pandemic may have to do with the parents' relationship, which during that period was subjected to changes in the dynamics. family, more family stress and less social support.
“Parents are the first socializing context for children, their main models, and if we are dissatisfied with the type of life we lead we become emotionally deregulated and children are infected by the environment,” agrees Rocío Sánchez, from the Intelecto psychological center, a pioneer in family therapy.
Hence, I consider that one way to prevent and reduce mental health problems in children and adolescents is to work on emotional regulation of parents.
“When a couple is not well, the main thing is that they seek help because that influences how they exercise their parenting: if four live together at home and two are unwell, that affects the rest,” he says. He emphasizes that this does not mean that a couple's life has to be idyllic, "but rather that the couple's problems and their arguments have to stay within the couple's relationship, not mix it with parenting, they must be resolved as soon as possible." and from time to time review the common project to make the necessary adjustments.”
