It is not unusual that due to inflation and rising rents, many adult children remain in or return to the family home. Although intergenerational coexistence has always been a feature of Mediterranean homes, as we get older, keeping a child at home can greatly strain family relationships. The desire to live an intimate and quiet retreat collides with the need to support a loved one who is either going through a complicated situation or is not mature enough to leave home.
In order to prevent cohabitation from becoming a vicious circle of behaviors that are harmful to the emotional well-being of parents, experts recommend establishing a series of clear rules and limits for adult children who are at home. The specialized magazine Best Life includes in an article some guidelines recommended by the life coach, the North American life coach Bayu Prihandito.
The first step to improve coexistence between children and adult parents is to talk regularly, with respect, about the expectations, concerns and routines of each party. To avoid conflicts, it is advisable to establish meal, leisure and rest times from the beginning, as well as the shared tasks that must be carried out.
Another aspect that needs to be addressed is economic. As adults, children should be required to have sufficient financial autonomy to contribute to household expenses such as water, electricity, gas or food. Experts point out that it is one thing for them to have returned home because they cannot afford a rental, and quite another for them to reserve their income solely to cover transportation costs and whims, like when they were young. The expectations of this contribution should be adjusted according to the type of employment of the child.
Adults have different interests and social dynamics than adolescents. When faced with the temptation to organize meetings with friends or love dates at the family home, the parents should have the last word. Children must respect the rules and limits imposed by parents when receiving third parties, in order to maintain the privacy of all household members and avoid uncomfortable situations.
Neither more nor less than what you allow them. Agreeing on the length of the stay will help both parties conform to their own expectations, as well as encourage the independence and progress of the children. It is important that they do not give up their personal development. What's more, it is important that, as parents, you motivate them to establish short-term goals such as saving, looking for a job or continuing their studies. Because welcoming an adult child should be an opportunity to redirect her life and not undermine that of others.
