How to handle lack of validation in your environment

Accepting personal emotions without moral judgment is one of the main characteristics of emotional validation.

Oliver Thansan
Oliver Thansan
14 March 2023 Tuesday 04:20
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How to handle lack of validation in your environment

Accepting personal emotions without moral judgment is one of the main characteristics of emotional validation. We can differentiate it into two: self-validation, which is the way we manage our emotions, and external emotional validation, which depends on a third party. In short, what we understand by needing the acceptance and validation of others to feel good.

This time we are going to focus on the second type. What can we do to not depend on others approving our feelings? And what can we do to avoid falling into moral judgments based on the emotions of a friend or loved one?

Relying on validation from others can be very exhausting and frustrating. And one of the keys is not knowing how to say no. We must put passivity aside and we have to say no even if it means disappointing a third party. And less when that 'yes' can cause us damage.

Modifying your tastes to please is tempting. It is easy to change your mind so that others are happy or agree with you and, thus, be able to fall better. Try not to fall into this: we each have our tastes and we do not have to explain to anyone.

An obsessive preoccupation with appearance is also a sign of a need for approval. We are not saying that you forget to dress to please, to buy clothes that you like and that suit you. We talk about when this becomes a habit that obsesses, paralyzes and makes life more difficult.

Do not deny the emotions of the person who is sharing them with you. Practice active listening and make the other person feel that you are present. Place your hand on his arm or other hand, look him straight in the eye, and really listen.

Likewise, try to be objective according to what this person tells you, without denying what they may be feeling at that moment, no matter how exaggerated it may seem to you. Try to understand the context of that person, why he may be feeling this way, even if it seems like an exaggeration to you.

Of course, Avoid phrases like 'Don't be sad', 'smile', 'stop crying' and change them to 'it's normal for you to feel like this', 'I'll help you in any way I can', etc.

Finally, always remember to normalize the situation, making that person understand that many others may be feeling the same way will help them feel good.