We need to talk about Harry

Harry Kane, nice name.

Oliver Thansan
Oliver Thansan
01 April 2024 Monday 04:22
9 Reads
We need to talk about Harry

Harry Kane, nice name. He sounds like a star singer or a Hollywood actor. Halfway, but with more packaging, between Harry Styles and Michael Caine. Nice soccer player too, one of the best in the world, but his brilliant career hides a tragedy.

Coveted in his day by Madrid, Barcelona, ​​Manchester City and other greats, top scorer in the history of the English national team, top scorer in the Premier League in the 21st century, top scorer in the 2018 World Cup, top scorer this season in the Bundesliga, Kane has won fewer trophies than Dmitró Chigrinsky, than (award to those who remember him) Rustu Reçber, even than Riqui Puig.

The truth is that, at almost 31 years old, 13 as a professional, Kane has not won anything. That's it: nothing. Niente, nothing, res, rien or, as they say in Germany, nichts. Last summer he left the club he loved, Tottenham, for Bayern Munich, thinking that here he would get rid of the spell. Better guarantee impossible. Bayern is to the German league what Putin is to the Russian elections. Why bother? He had won the previous eleven German championships in a row.

But not even. Bayern lost at home this weekend, extending the gap with the leader, Xabi Alonso's Bayer Leverkusen, to 13 points. At the end of the match, his coach Thomas Tuchel threw in the towel. “Congratulations to Leverkusen,” he said.

Nothing to complain about Kane. Congratulations go to him too. He has done his thing: 31 goals so far this season, eight behind him in the Bundesliga, on his way to breaking Robert Lewandowski's all-time record. But as for the teams Kane plays for, he should be renamed, poor thing, “Harry Kiri.” Signing him is suicide.

But little to reproach him as a teammate. On the contrary, undisputed captain of the English team, he is solidarity made flesh. Exemplary in the locker room, he not only scores goals but gives assists, fights to recover balls, combines wonderfully in the midfield. He would surely have been a better option for Pep Guardiola at Manchester City than the lone ranger Erling Håland.

And he is a good boy, the pluperfect that the parents would like their daughter to marry. It's just that he is already married, with four children, to a woman he has known since childhood. And no rumor of an affair, a temptation in which one feels that he will hardly fall thanks to his nobility of spirit, or his lack of imagination or the fact that during the seasons (something never seen in a player from the islands) he never touches a drop of alcohol

To make matters worse, he is almost vomitingly good people. The Harry Kane Foundation is dedicated to combating mental health issues among young people. He goes to schools and gives talks to teenagers in which he tells how he has struggled to overcome the pressures of the demanding, not to say desperately frustrating, life he has had. And on top of that he fights for gay rights. In all of his matches at the World Cup in Qatar he went out on the field wearing a watch with the colors of the LGTBIQ flag.

There is a statue of Kane, yes. It was made with public funds four years ago in the unsightly London neighborhood of Chingford, where he was born. The idea had been to place it at Chingford station but it still lies, undusted, in a municipal warehouse. Those who oppose it being displayed are a couple of representatives of the London mayor's office who say that it would represent a risk to train passengers, which is unlikely. Rather, it could be that the aforementioned are fans of Arsenal (Tottenham's death rivals) or are waiting for them to finally win their first trophy.

Kane, who is also a philosopher, is unfazed by what could be interpreted as yet another humiliation. “A statue is a statue,” he says. “It is not going to define my life for better or worse.”

He has one chance left this season to overcome his voodoo: the Champions League. Bayern is still there and you would have to have a very hard heart to hope that they don't win it, or that they don't win something one day, even if it is the Europa Conference League. But maybe better than not. Perhaps better, for greater glory, that he defines his life in the following way: as the best player who never won anything at all.