That love pervades all aspects of our daily lives is beyond any doubt, even when it comes to someone else's. It is enough to look at the media or social networks to see the expectation that the end of the romance between Rosalía and Rauw Alejandro is generating.
Love is perhaps the emotion that human beings experience with the greatest intensity. Since the dawn of our civilization we have been told how the creation of the world is summed up in a series of love episodes starring titans and gods. Legendary is the passion of Paris for Helena, which sparked one of the most memorable contests in mythology.
And when the heroes who participated in the Trojan War travel back to their homeland, we find Ulysses recovering from the fatigue of the journey by enjoying himself in the arms of Circe or Calypso, while a very enamored Penelope waits patiently for him in Ithaca. Not forgetting that heartbroken Dido burning Carthage to the flames after being abandoned by Aeneas.
Undoubtedly, love has been a recurring theme in philosophy, literature, music or any cultural manifestation for centuries.
When we ask people for names of emotions, love is always at the top. But what do we really know about love? From different fields of science, such as anthropology, psychology or neurobiology, attempts have been made to answer this question over the last century.
Love is a universal experience. From an evolutionary point of view, it allows us to select a partner to whom we feel sexually attracted. Having this support ultimately facilitates our survival.
However, there is a cultural component to the way we experience and express love. This has made it possible that in many societies the preeminence of the sexual component has shifted towards concepts characterized by an idealized representation of love in which aspects such as chaste falling in love, fidelity or caring for children have predominated. The cultural influence is also evident in the appearance of stereotypes such as the passionate Latin lover or the icy Nordic lover.
From psychology, love can be defined as the establishment of a bond with another person that generates well-being. The so-called “triangular theory” assumes the existence of three components in love. The first would be passion or physical attraction. The second is the intimacy generated by affective closeness. Finally, commitment, which is nothing more than realizing that we love someone and want to keep the flame of love burning.
This theory has allowed us to identify the existence of several stages in the evolution of any love relationship. During the first six months we go through a phase of mutual infatuation in which physical attraction plays a fundamental role. In addition, when choosing a partner we feel especially attracted to people who complement our needs or shortcomings.
At the same time, we value similarity in aspects such as physical attractiveness, socioeconomic status, intelligence, or personality. There are even those who suggest that we carry out a kind of interested calculation about what we are going to invest and receive in a relationship.
Research on love has shown that when we fall in love we are prone to reveal intimate aspects of ourselves and provide emotional support. We also show interest in the opinions and favorite activities of the other person and we are more tolerant of their defects. Simultaneously, a kind of emotional contagion occurs whereby we experience similar emotions and tend to imitate their facial expressions.
The importance of the gaze for falling in love deserves a special mention. Because, who hasn't felt captivated when seeing Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart exchange glances in the famous scene from the movie Casablanca? Well, it seems that it is enough for someone unknown to look us straight in the eye for us to find him more attractive, especially when it is a man who feels observed.
Once the foundations of a relationship have been established, we go through a phase of about three and a half years in which the passionate component predominates. At the same time, our desire for intimacy and commitment increases.
During the stages of falling in love and consolidation of the couple, a series of changes occur at the brain level. The most important ones have to do with the activation of various brain regions of the so-called reward circuit, such as the striatum or the nucleus accumbens. In addition, thanks to the help of one of the few monogamous rodents, the prairie vole, we know that the release of the so-called love hormones, oxytocin and vasopressin, is increased.
After four years of relationship, the importance of sexuality decreases. On the contrary, the need to prolong the long-term relationship and mutual complicity reach their maximum levels.
At this stage it can also happen that a sentimental break occurs. And today we know that the pain associated with this terrible event increases activity in a brain region, the insula, which also lights up when we hit or burn our hand.
So perhaps it is convenient to replace the expression "it has broken my heart" by the much more exact and less romantic "it has broken my island".
But perhaps Rosalía and Rauw Alejandro can tell us something more about this.
Article originally published on The Conversation. José Antonio Hinojosa Poveda is a tenured professor in the Department of Experimental Psychology, Cognitive Processes and Speech Therapy at the Complutense University of Madrid.
