Fernand, Delphine and Rebecca know that the end of their lives is getting closer. The first two are elderly. Fernand is in a wheelchair and has the affection of her wife, who caresses him, helps him get dressed and holds his hands with great tenderness. They have been together for 62 years, living for each other because they have not had children.
Delphine, 90 years old, lives with her dog Charly and has the help of her daughter. She finds it difficult to move more and more and she is clear that she does not want to die in a residence. She was in charge of her sick husband for nine years and now she is invaded by a feeling of sadness because she will no longer be able to visit her son Rubert, bedridden in a hospital. "You're lucky your mom lived to be 90," she whispers sweetly into her ear.
Rebecca's situation is much more dramatic. Her advanced stomach cancer will soon separate her from her beloved three daughters and her husband. The Belgian director Griet Teck has captured the last weeks of these three people in the documentary Touching the infinite, which will have special screenings in some Spanish cinemas and universities and a VOD (on demand) digital premiere will take place at the end of November. In fact, through the documentary's website, any interested person can fill out a document so that the film can be shown in her city, in an initiative of the independent film distributor Bosco Films.
"I was making my first documentary Feel my love (2014), in which I recorded patients with dementia in a small nursing home, when I knew that my next film had to deal with the final phase of life. In that center I followed nurses who were in charge of palliative care and I was struck by how they helped the sick in their last days. I was able to have the privilege of observing and understanding that saying goodbye and knowing how to say goodbye in an atmosphere of trust is part of life itself. Dying is one more process of life, but it is still a taboo to talk about it," says Griet in an interview with La Vanguardia at the Belgian consulate in Barcelona.
The director, 40 years old and owner of an angelic face that transmits serenity, comments that in her country many people die in hospitals, far from their homes. "That distance creates even more fear of death. We don't know how to express ourselves, how to find the words, and this causes stress and suffering," she explains. Teck became interested in the subject "because death and illness are part of life and we have not yet learned to talk about it naturally. Even in common language we lack words to refer to death."
Thanks to the relationship established over three years working with experts from a palliative care unit, the filmmaker was able to contact the protagonists of her documentary. "They thought it would be something really valuable and they also wanted to leave a kind of memory for their families by showing intimate moments that reflect how, despite its harshness, the end of life can be a beautiful moment of deep connection that brings you back to life. essence of life".
Griet previously spoke with all of them to create a climate of transparency and complicity that is reflected on the screen from the beginning. "I always showed them the images I recorded first. It started with daily rituals, at home, in their private sphere," says the director, who took it upon herself to record everything "to preserve privacy." Touching the infinite has overwhelming moments like when Rebecca sings a lullaby to one of her daughters or hugs another of them while she is in the hospital already very weak. "It was very intense. You had to preserve those unique situations, small details that were big moments."
Or when the woman talks to her husband and says, "You'll get by without me, but it won't be easy." He replies that "everything will be fine" and thanks her for the journey they have made together. "Despite being a hard and critical moment, I felt a lot of love between them," he comments on a story that focuses on love, gratitude and hope in the final stage of life as well as "the importance of palliative care to help control pain and respond to the existential and spiritual fears of patients".
De Rebecca remembers that when she first met her, "she was undergoing experimental treatment, but she knew it would not be successful. Her husband was hopeful." They did not hesitate to tell the girls the truth about her illness and each one reacted differently. "Adults do have a long phase of sadness, but children cannot stay in that state of sorrow."
Teck believes that at the end of our existence "there is time to talk it all out and clear things up." "The girls had a psychologist. It doesn't take away the pain but it helps in the process of digesting death," agrees the director, who has learned many things from the documentary: "The end of life is a stage like any other, in which that one still grows as a human being and that helps to put things in perspective. I was also struck by the strength that people find in that final moment. And I have learned that the body does not forget. All emotions or traumas are recorded in our body and we have to find a way to express everything we have inside".
She herself has gone through very hard times, such as the death of her brother: "Everyone told me to be strong, but what I wanted was to cry, to feel sad." She points out that now in Belgium she is undergoing "a revolution when it comes to processing the pain of loss" and that her next project will be about that. "People go to church less and there are people who work with rituals. For example, in the cemeteries of Belgium, small mini music concerts are offered, a sea of candlelight to give another meaning to death. And there are also people who is dedicated to asking dying people questions in their homes and they write the annotations in a small book that they give to the family as a testimony. They are good initiatives to approach death in a different way, "he concludes.
